Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
