I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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