Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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