ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
