she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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