thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
