Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
