I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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