so let's talk penis.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
