All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
