i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
