well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
