I'm gonna have a badass scar
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
