Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
