whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
