You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
