I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
