o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Please don't give away my fajitas
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
