Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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