Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize