My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
