toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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