i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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