if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
