Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
