i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
