Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
