I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
