so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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