In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
