omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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