oh god the rape fog is back!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
