wrigley field is MILF paradise
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
