I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
