i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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