My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
