I cannot find my penis.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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