My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
