Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
