i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hippo gnu deer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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