I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
