I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just pee around me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
