I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize