I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
