i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
