I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
