Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
