Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
