I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
