he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
