i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
