my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
