You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize