Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
