smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize