i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
