eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize