"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize