Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
