I love black thongs
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He? As in you personified your dick?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
