I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
